Carolina's+Essay


 * Carolina, I am in the process of revising your essay. I still haven't finished it, ok? As soon as I do, I'll get in touch with you. **


 * Thesis Statement: **

Working collaboratively is not an easy task, so (and) obtaining good results mostly depends on how people interact with the other members of the group, if they use their available tools (New sentence: If the members of the group use the tools that are available)  in an effective way and if they   (remove)  participate actively in all parts of the project, (complete the conditional sentence. Ex: the results are bound to be good.)


 * Topic sentences (main ideas): **

- A good interaction among the group members is an essential part of the collaborative work.

- There are many tools that can facilitate the process of working together and people should learn how to deal with them, in order to use them properly according to their needs. (media tools such as e-mails, social networks, computer programs etc.)

- Members must participate actively in the whole process, sharing information, discussing ideas, complementing or changing opinions, so that the final project is a real group work and not several individual ones put together.

**FIRST DRAFT: **

Many students know too well the difficulties of writing a group paper or essay. Those assignments can be a nightmare, because it is almost impossible to schedule meetings among all the peers and make sure each one does his or her share of the work. Working collaboratively is not an easy task and obtaining good results mostly depends on how people interact with the other members of a group, use the available tools and participate in all parts of the project. A good interaction among the group members is an essential part of the collaborative work. Each member must feel comfortable enough to talk to the others, in order to collaborate, discuss and share all the information and opinions. Many minds are better than one, but only if they work on a common goal and that happens when there is a mutual effort from all the parts, trying to get along well and setting some goals, rules and deadlines that minimizes a lot the waste of time and efficiency. There are many tools that can facilitate the process of working together and people should learn how to deal with them, in order to use them properly according to their needs. Some media tools such as e-mails, social networks and computer programs are completely available and the choice depends on what people specifically want from the tool. Therefore, each tool could be the most proper one for one part of the work, depending on the results wanted. The group should consider the availability of each member, in person or online, and try to draw a profile of the group and its needs, so they could look for appropriate ways of working together.

Members must participate actively in the whole process, sharing information, discussing ideas, complementing or changing opinions, so that the final project is a real group work and not several individual ones put together. All the information and all the thought processes regarding the group work must be shared with all the members. Unshared information can lead the group to wrong decisions. When all the minds are settled by one single goal and start working together, a synergy happens within the group. Such thing does not happen with one person alone. That is why we say that “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts”. Summing up, group work can be a very difficult task, but there are some ways to increase the productivity and minimize the waste of time and <range type="comment" id="534902">efficiency. If the members of the group have a good interaction with each other, use the tools that are available in an effective way and participate actively in all parts of the project, the results are bound to be good.

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">**<range type="comment" id="394456">SECOND DRAFT **

Many students know too well the difficulties of writing a group paper or essay. Those assignments can be a nightmare, because it is almost impossible to schedule meetings among all the peers and make sure each one does his or her share of the work. Working collaboratively is not an easy task and obtaining good results mostly depends on how people interact (1) with the other members of a group, use the available tools (2) and participate (3) in all parts of the project.

Note that you mention 3 points in a specific order in your introduction, but you change that order in the paragraphs below. I suggest you keep the same order throughout the whole text. This will make it clearer and more consistent.

PARAGRAPH

There are many tools (2) that can facilitate the process of working together and people should learn how to deal with them, in order to use them properly according to their needs. Some media tools such as e-mails, social networks and computer programs (I think you mean platforms here, like wiki, right?) are completely available (I prefer completely free) and the choice depends on what people specifically want from the tool. Therefore, each tool could be the most proper one for one part of the work, (rephrase this, please) depending on the results wanted. The group should consider the availability of each (every) member, in person or online, and try to draw a profile of the group and its needs, so they could (use the present tense - can) look for appropriate ways of working together.

A good interaction (1) among the group members is an essential part of the collaborative work. Each member must feel comfortable enough to talk to the others, in order to collaborate, discuss and share all the information and opinions. Unshared information or thought processes can lead the group to wrong decisions. Many minds are better than one, but only if they work on (towards sounds better) a common goal. That happens when there is a mutual effort from all the parts, trying to get along well and setting some goals, rules and deadlines, minimizing the waste of time and enhancing efficiency. PARAGRAPH

However, (I understand why you use however here, but textually it doesn't work so well because it is used when it can be related to a previous sentence. Chek it out: [|Dictionary] members are not supposed to simply participate (3), choosing a specific part and contributing somehow. They must participate actively in the whole process, sharing information, discussing ideas, complementing or changing opinions, so that the final project is a (remove - unnecessary, since work is uncountable) real (I prefere actual group work) group work and not several individual ones put together. When all the minds are settled by  (on) one single goal and start working together, a synergy happens within the group. Such thing does not happen with one person alone. That is why we say that “ The  (use a small t, because it's in the middle of the sentence) whole is greater than the sum of the parts”.

PARAGRAPH

Summing up, group work can be a very difficult task, but there are some ways to increase the productivity and minimize the waste of time and (avoid repeating and) efficiency. If the members of the group have a good interaction with each other, use the tools that are available in an effective way and participate actively in all parts of the project, the results are bound to be good.

Include your bibliographic references here!


 * FINAL VERSION **

Many students know too well the difficulties of writing a group paper or essay. Those assignments can be a nightmare, because it is almost impossible to schedule meetings among all the peers and make sure each one does his or her share of the work. Working collaboratively is not an easy task and obtaining good results mostly depends on how people use the available tools, interact with the other members of a group and participate in all parts of the project.

There are many tools that can facilitate the process of working together and people should learn how to deal with them, in order to use them properly according to their needs. Some media tools such as e-mails, social networks and computer platforms are completely free and the choice depends on what people specifically want from the tool. In other words, students should choose the tool that are more appropriate, depending on the results wanted. The group should consider the availability of every member, in person or online, and try to draw a profile of the group and its needs, so they can look for appropriate ways of working together.

A good interaction among the group members is an essential part of the collaborative work. Each member must feel comfortable enough to talk to the others, in order to collaborate, discuss and share all the information and opinions. Unshared information or thought processes can lead the group to wrong decisions. Many minds are better than one, but only if they work towards a common goal. That happens when there is a mutual effort from all the parts, trying to get along well and setting some goals, rules and deadlines, minimizing the waste of time and enhancing efficiency.

Another important aspect of working collaboratively is the participation of the whole group. However, members are not supposed to simply participate, choosing a specific part and contributing somehow. They must participate actively in the whole process, sharing information, discussing ideas, complementing or changing opinions, so that the final project is actual group work and not several individual ones put together. When all the minds are settled on one single goal and start working together, a synergy happens within the group. Such thing does not happen with one person alone. That is why we say that “the whole is greater than the sum of the parts”.

Summing up, group work can be a very difficult task, but there are some ways to increase the productivity and efficiency, minimizing the waste of time. If the members of the group have a good interaction with each other, use the tools that are available in an effective way and participate actively in all parts of the project, the results are bound to be good.

References: BARTON, Matt & KLINT, Karl. //A Student’s Guide to Collaborative Writing Technologies//. In Writing Spaces: Readings on Writing, Volume 2.